Question:
How can I accept being different? Or how can I change?
2010-07-10 19:46:00 UTC
A lot of people make fun of me for being different. I dress in all black, I've lost several girlfriends because of their moms not approving of me, I wear 4 inch platform boots, make up, long hair, bangs down to my mouth, I'm 6"2 (without those boots), I listen to Marilyn Manson, I cut myself, I used to be a Satanist, I paint my fingernails, I have major depression issues, I never come out of my room, I never go outside, I'm pale as hell, I'm engaged to a girl at age 15, I'm the outcast of my family, outcast of my school, I've done drugs before, I smoke, I'm the biggest pervert you'll ever meet, and some people have referred to me as a "Scary" or "Disturbing" type of person
Six answers:
MK6
2010-07-10 19:47:40 UTC
Find someone you can respect, - follow and emulate them.
Ken O
2010-07-11 03:02:51 UTC
Change is hard, trust me. But it can be done if you really want to and make the concious effort to do so.



HOWEVER, whats even harder than that is living a lie. Beleive me Ive been there. If you FEEL like wearing black and your boots and listening to your music and everything, then you will be MISERABLE wearing abercrombie and listening to taylor swift.



I would say dont change. maybe if its causing family problems and everything, then MAYBE tone it down a little but dont do a complete 180. This is you and people need to accept that.



Ive also found that as kids grow older they tend to grow out of their trends and fads and all that. Im DEFINITELY not saying this is the case with you, I know plenty of successful adults that are similar to what you described. But as people grow up, tastes change and its something that happens over time.
Autumn - Joy Killer
2010-07-11 05:27:01 UTC
It's not that you're "different" but that you've made bad choices. You've harmed yourself by cutting yourself, smoking, and doing drugs. That's a sign that you have issues that you need to work through.



Basically, it sounds like you fit the look of a "goth". Goths don't have a good reputation and you will probably have this same treatment from people once they see you until you change your look. To be honest, there is no need to wear four inch platform boots, have such long hair in front of your face, or to wear makeup. It seems like you're trying to make a statement with your clothes and makeup.



It also seems like you might have social anxiety issues since you cover your face with your hair, maybe to hide from others and you don't leave your room. Dressing in a way that you know will evoke a negative reaction out of others is not helping your anxiety.



Here are some steps I recommend you take:

-Cut your hair. It may be scary since your hair might have felt like a shield but you need to learn how to deal with the outside world without hiding yourself. Also, stop wearing makeup, stop painting your nails and wearing platform boots. It might also show your family and others who may have had a problem with your goth image that you won't use such an image anymore.



-Take care of yourself. I understand that you have depression issues but it will not help you at all if you harm yourself by cutting, smoking or doing drugs. If your family is supportive, tell them you want to seek counseling for these issues. Do this for yourself as you will benefit the most from this help, not friends or family.



-Do something outside - take a walk, go to the convenience store to browse the magazine section, etc. It may be outside of your comfort zone but you can't stay inside your comfort zone forever. You have to move forward and the first step will take a lot of courage. Try to do something outdoors regularly. Hopefully, this will help you to grow accustomed to it.



-Surround yourself with positive things. They don't have to be obnoxiously happy-go-lucky or anything but it should encourage a positive outlook on things or else be neutral. I don't think Marilyn Manson's music will help with your depression. His lyrics seem either disturbing or else depressing. For someone without major depression issues, it would be okay but I don't think that's healthy for you.



In no way do I believe that one has to fake it in order to be accepted but in my opinion, your problem is your depression and I think your priority should be to improve your outlook on life and your self-esteem and repair your relationship with your family. A goth image is usually just an image someone takes on, in my opinion. You can be both yourself and non-goth. I hope you do get help. Feel free to message me if you need any advice or just for someone to lend you an ear.
sfguybryan
2010-07-11 03:21:33 UTC
Trying to feel like you belong or fit in has been a problem that mostly every adolescent as experienced at one time or another. Unfortunately, our society is one which places too much emphasis on fitting into this particular mold or that particular mold. If an individual strays away from either then they are frowned upon; labelled "Scary" or "Disturbing", just as you say that people refer to you.



I can't say that I can really relate to or even understand the "school of thought" designed around the Gothic personification, which from your description of yourself sounds like what you prescribe to. That's not to say I think it's wrong, because this type of lifestyle suits many who have adopted it.



It sounds like you are questioning whether or not this is the type of person you want to be right now. You've tried it. Now, maybe subconsciously you feel like you've about played Gothic style out and ready to move on to something else; re-inventing yourself, so to speak.



You certainly don't sound "Scary" or "Disturbing" to me. As a matter of fact, if I were to pass you on the street I would be very happy to say "hello" to you and not think any differently of you as I would anyone else I've passed or approaching.



You may want to think twice about staying in your and not getting out. A little change of scenery may be just what you need to help raise your spirits and maybe even change your opinion of yourself. Self-respect is the key to finding one's place in this world. You want to be comfortable and you want others to accept you for who you are. When you choose a particular lifestyle such as Gothic then you have to know that you can't expect respect from others until you learn to respect yourself. When you walk down the street in platform boots, make-up, long hair, etc., you have to first feel comfortable in your appearance and the choices you have made in presenting you to the public. You wouldn't deliberately make yourself up into someone or something that you don't feel comfortable when looking into the mirror. That would be totally disrespectful to you by you.



Give it some heart-felt consideration even if it takes closing yourself up in your room all weekend to have a heart-to-heart conversation with yourself in deciding what it is about yourself you're wanting to change. Experiment with different styles you're unfamiliar with at the moment to see how you look. Then, when you find the right look, build on it.



I wish you much happiness in whatever it is you choose. Everyone deserves to be happy with themselves regardless of what everyone else THINKS about you. When you're happy with who you are, then that's who you should be.



Take care!
2010-07-11 02:52:06 UTC
they like you
Aysia.
2010-07-11 02:51:04 UTC
just umm...be.....yourself i guess


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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