Can anybody read my essay and revise please?

Question

Television in moderation can be a good thing. It can be entertaining, educational and open up new worlds for children, giving them a chance to travel globe, learn about different cultures, and gain exposure to ideas they may encounter in their own community. But despite its advantages, too much television can be detrimental.
First, the violence on television has negative effect on children behavior. Every day children might watch violence scenes on any programs like as on drama, movie, and even animation for children. As children have watched the violence again and again, they could unconsciously copy the behavior that they watch on television. For instance, they attempt to emulate their favorite rock stars by dressing in a similar style and the way children play games, imitating their favorite cartoon personalities or super heroes and picking up the toy and following someone pretending to hit him or her.

Answer 1

Try this...



Watching television in moderation can be a good thing. It can be both entertaining and educational, opening up new worlds for children, allowing them to imagine and safely travel the globe to learn about different cultures, and gain exposure to ideas [that] they may [not] encounter in their own communit[ies]. [D]espite television's educational import, too heavy a reliance upon it can be detrimental.



The often violent displays broadcasted on television may have negative effects on children's behaviors. Every day children witness violent scenes as featured in dramas, films, and even animations. And as children watch violence on television broadcasts repeatedly, they may tend to copy those same behaviors unconsciously. For instance, children often attempt to emulate their favorite rock stars' ways and styles by dressing and acting in similar manner; and given the intensive manner in which children focus on games, they in turn may tend to express themselves in similar fashion, imitating their favorite cartoon personalities or super heroes, often picking up toys and throwing them or sometimes pursuing or chasing their friends with intention to hit him or her without fully understanding the effects of this behavior.

Answer 2

Watching television programs is a good thing, if it is in moderation. Television is entertaining and educational. There are programs that canopen up new worlds for children. These shows give them a chance to travel the globe, learn about different cultures, and gain exposure to ideas they may not encounter in their own community. But despite the advantages of many programs, too much television can be detrimental.

Violence on television can have negative effects on children behavior. Every day millions of children watch programs that have violence, including dramas, movies, and even animated or cartoon shows. Children that habitually watch these various forms of violence each day could develop violent behavior and act out in a violent manner during their everyday situations. For instance, they attempt to emulate the actors in music videos, during play time. Children play aggressively in simple games of tag or often just have fun "play fighting". Toys are transformed into weapons and children act out scenes that show anger and abuse to the vulnerable.

Answer 3

Hi, You need a conclusion. The introduction is good. The second paragraph starts well, but it is confused at the end. It could read something like this.



We know that children emulate their favourite rock stars by dressing in a similar style; it is possible that they will emulate their super heroes from movies or cartoons who are aggressive and start hitting or pushing their friends and siblings.



Ypu also need to check that you haven't missed a word. For instance do you mean "travel the globe" "may not encounter" in the 1st paragraph and in the 2nd paragraph, 'negative effects" "violent scenes" "such as" not "like as".



I hope this helps. You definitely need a little more 'body' in the argument and then a conclusion.



Good luck.

Answer 4

Sometimes it is tough to introduce your self when you consider that you have no idea wherein to begin. When I was once born on April 22,1981, I was once given the identify Zahro. Zahro method "famous person" in my tradition. I grew up with 3 sisters and one brother in Tashkent, the capital of Usbekistan. I talk 5 languages: Russian, Turkish, Uzbek, Uygur and English. My character is certainly one of my great resources. I'm humorous, outgoing and I certainly care approximately different individuals. One factor I dislike approximately myself, although, is that I have a tough time expressing my feelings. I additionally uncover it tough to permit individuals realize what's bothering me when you consider that I count on that it offers them the energy to harm me. I additionally preserve again plenty. I do not like others seeing me cry both. However, I am a individuals character and I normally do not like being on my own. Yet, normally I will close out the sector and consciousness on God for decades. In addition, I like technology, artwork and song, specifically classical song. In technology, my favourite discipline is biology and Pharmacology. I uncover biology interesting when you consider that I like to gain knowledge of approximately crops and the way one creates pharmaceutical medications from specified crops. I additionally like pharmacology. I experience this discipline when you consider that it is my profession. Besides that, I like to learn very so much. One of my favourite novels is “The Kite Runner.” I like The Kite Runner when you consider that this publication indicates how Afghanistan real is, and the way individuals are handled. I like to accumulate rather a couple of matters, like first-class graphics, pencils, and books. I additionally love to shop for vintage matters and beautify my residence. I normally redesign my residence when you consider that I love alterations in my residence. Moreover, I have 2 potent youngsters and a excellent husband. I believe so fortunate to have one youngster lady and a different youngster boy. They are so candy that my complete international has been converted. I have emerge as a extra dependable and target orientated mother. One of my objectives is to graduate from my university with well grades and get a pharmacy measure. Another target I have, is to coach my youngsters. There are continually new objectives to be met, however total I believe very positive in my existence.

Answer 5

travel THE globe

children'S behavior

VIOLENT scenes

take out "on any programs like as on" and replace it with "in" and use more genres of tv shows, take out "movie"



but it's good, you have solid points. it needs to be longer and more detailed.